Resource

Restrictive immigration policies worldwide often lead to families being separated, shaping the lives of refugees in many ways. Although family reunion routes exist, the eligibility criteria is increasingly limited. Many refugees spend long periods apart from their lived ones, which can have lasting effects on their well-being, mental health and experiences of adjusting to life in a new country.  

This qualitative research looked at how being separated from their families affects male refugees living in the UK. Men make up the majority of asylum seekers in the UK and Europe; evidence suggests that men are more likely to seek asylum first to establish legal status and later bring their families to join them. However, there isn’t much research exploring men’s experiences after migrating. What’s more, male asylum-seekers often face negative stereotypes and media portrayals and marginalisation in the countries where they seek safety.  

We interviewed 9 male refugees to try to answer the following research question: How do male refugees experience family separation during their efforts to resettle in the UK?

Three themes emerged from the interviews:

“Family separation just break you inside”— the emotional burden of being away from loved ones

Men spoke about the central importance of family in giving life meaning and purpose. Being physically and emotionally disconnected from loved ones left men with deep feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and isolation. Men described the difficulties of being alone in a foreign country without emotional or practical support from significant others, with many struggling to develop meaningful friendships or romantic relationships in the UK. Men shared their experiences of struggling with depression and suicidal feelings, and the emotional toll of being in a foreign country alone.

“I don’t have family, I’m not breathing and I’m not alive”

“I came to UK at the age of 15. So… I didn’t have no one, no family here as my family. I was crying every day, sad every day, missing my mom, missing family, my brothers, siblings”

“It’s very difficult to be away from your family, especially […] when you have a very good and strong relationship with your family… you were very close to them, and suddenly you have to leave them”.

“Maybe they think I left them”—the responsibility to be present

Men shared a strong sense of responsibility for their families, shaped by traditional gender roles and expectations around masculinity. They spoke about the difficulties of separating from family to escape harm and seek safety, and what this means in the context of the unique roles men hold in their families. Many experiences guilt and shame for leaving loved ones behind and missing important moments, and worried intensely about their families well-being and safety back home.  

“She was two years...I miss 14 years... how I miss my daughter love.”

“I was unable to do my duty as a husband, as a father. So, double, double failure. And I was so powerless, and my big regret is that it’s my fault. It’s my fault because I should be there with them, or they should be there with me.”

“I felt regret, but I had no other choice. I had to leave.”

“They don’t like you to be here”—experiences embedded in masculinity and intersectionality

Men shared how different parts of their identities - such as gender, disability, age, parenthood, sexuality, race, immigration status – shaped their experiences of family separation and resettlement in the UK. Men articulated a sense of disempowerment as a result of governmental asylum policies and the stigma of being labelled an “illegal immigrant” and also shared their experiences of racism and discrimination.

Men discussed the power of being granted asylum to enable them to visit their families and begin the process of reunification. They also struggled with the limited access to food, housing, employment, and healthcare services, with many experiencing or fearing homelessness, which took a toll on their mental health. Most participants expressed gratitude for the support and opportunities available in the UK, and the efforts people made to help refugees integrate and feel at home.

“Sometimes you see you are not on the right place for sure... they look at you, you see on their face, they don’t like you to be here for sure…”

"It’s like they go to punish you because you’re a man. So, you know that you got to be strong so you can deal with the pain they are going to inflict you. […] It’s the power of their hostile environment they are making purpose to eat you up, to give up.”

Implications

We hope this research will offer useful insights for clinicians and other professionals supporting male refugees who have been separated from their families.

Lately, family reunion processes have become stricter across countries and have posed further difficulties for refugee families to reunite. The UK family reunion visa narrowly defines family and excludes members such as adult children, parents, and siblings. Policymakers should use insights from this study to improve and simplify the family reunification process in the UK and adopt a more inclusive definitions of “family” is crucial.

Read the full, open access article here.