In March 2007 Mrs A and her two young daughters arrived in the UK claiming asylum. They had fled a Middle East country where bombings, kidnappings and old scores are played out in an arena of atrocity, violence and rape. 

They told their story in a monosyllabic, mesmerised manner as if all feelings of grief and outrage had been crushed. There were no tears. “We are the walking dead” said the mother, as she described how her husband and young son had been deliberately killed by a bomb. Shortly afterwards, Mrs A was abducted, brutally attacked and multiply raped. Kidnappers threatened her daughters. Fearing they would be murdered too, they fled their comfortable home and came to the UK.

After being interviewed by the Home Office, their application for asylum was refused in terminology they could not begin to understand. The psychological work to articulate the mother's anger and despair, and the fears and silences of the daughters was complicated by their asylum problems. Nevertheless, we made good progress collating their stories and the Refusal for Asylum papers into three clean folders.

We met every week. Grieving took place through a process of honouring their father and husband — son and brother. They talked about them until I felt I knew them. Not only the good things, but also the irritating things that make for human relationships. This helped them to shift from a fixation with the horror of their deaths, to a reclamation of who they were and what they meant to each other. After much laughter and tears we planted a flowering bush in our garden of remembrance.

We had to focus on their forthcoming appeal against the Home Office decision, in which Mrs A and her daughters were to give evidence. Reports from the Helen Bamber Foundation were submitted to the Court and Helen Bamber gave evidence as an expert witness. There is no simple way to describe the tension and distress that accompanies a refusal from the Home Office and an Appeal procedure.

We supported Mrs A and her daughters during their weeks of uncertainty and fear. The Immigration Judge allowed their claim for asylum and they have been granted Leave to Remain in the UK. The two young women are now being assisted in seeking appropriate study courses.

Mrs A has physical problems arising from the beatings and the rape. Her psychological needs are complex. She is still seriously traumatised and will need to attend regular sessions to address her symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Mrs A understands the value of exploring her harrowing nightmares, and there is a noticeable lessening in her flashbacks and panic attacks. She has teaching experience so we are looking at the possibility of her helping young refugees whose parents want their children to retain their mother tongue. 

Mrs A and her daughters have built an excellent therapeutic relationship with our staff and we will help them to integrate into society. It’s important to continue the family therapy and one-to-one sessions because daughters will integrate relatively quickly through their studies but their mother may be left feeling isolated.